I've just read a synopsis of Duma Key and it seems like Stephen King is using some variation on one of those online random generators to come up with his character names. Or maybe he uses something like Madlibs, i.e. give me a noun, an adjective, and a verb and maybe also the sex of the character and some sort of stereotype, and then it spits out a name.

Try to guess which of these is NOT the name of a character in Steven King's new book "Duma Key":

• Edgar Freemantle
• Willingham Parasails-Cavepainting IV
• Elizabeth Eastlake
• Jerome Wireman

(Don't answer too quickly, it may not be the one you think it is at first!)

I'm going to guess the plot to his next bestseller. This is on the basis of a rigorous study of his complete works.

The protagonist has made his fortune in the hard candy industry but he had to give it up when his son fell into the machinery with the candy and

either

He loses everything in the resulting class action lawsuit because he didn't notice the problem until all the candy had been sold and eaten!

or

He narrowly avoided losing everything in the lawsuit because ironically he had named his child High Fructose Corn Syrup and a jury decided that the consumers were "fairly warned" that they were eating the kid because he was on the label.

He retires to Maine or apparently Florida, and then there are skulls or zombies or something generic. And then things are bad. But occasionally darkly funny (but not really). And then in the middle you forget which Steven King book you're even reading. And then you finish and you like it because you read a book.